We must let the mess be fully expressed in order to clear the way for transformation.
This message is becoming more and more true for me as I move through the process of moving out of Toronto and onto our property in Bloomfield, Prince Edward County. A few months ago, we purchased a beautiful property across the road from our dear friend's boutique inn called Angéline's. There is a house on the property that is currently unliveable, even though from the outside it appears to be fully intact. The main part of the house has been holding space for many other life stories lived there since the mid-1800s. This is clearly represented through the many complex layers of the structure that are currently being peeled away and torn apart by our friend (and the mastermind behind the project), Alex Fida. The site is in total chaos; pieces of the building are scattered everywhere. As the innards of the structure become more and more exposed, the uncovered frame may look stark and severe, but to me, it is beautiful.
Most of us are terrified to come undone. We learn to keep it together no matter the consequences and to suffer the cost behind closed doors. We are taught to put our best foot forward and to keep the skeletons in the closet. We hear the phrase 'Out of sight, out of mind' as truth, but there is so much more to our minds than its immediate perceptions. We have the ability to recall and access memories woven into our tissues. No matter how hard we might try to forget, they exist and they can run our lives like computer programs.
It takes an incredible amount of energy to ignore and hide our pain but there are safe and effective methods to face and heal whatever it is that’s being stored away behind the facade. The good news is- it's never too late.
“The only way is through.” I believe this phrase comes to us through a poem written in 1915 by Robert Frost. This concept has become crystal clear to me through my experiences in body-based psychotherapy. At first, just the thought of facing my shadows felt terrifying. I fainted when my colleague invited me to join a group therapy and training program. It was a total threat to my system. I felt that fainting was a clear enough signal for me to say yes, even though I was very anxious about it. I’ve learned through trial and error, if an opportunity is presented to me by a trustworthy source that sparks fear and discomfort, it is then worthy of investigating. I shook at the knees for all of the first weekend in training, but I knew that I was in the safest of hands and that a new chapter of my life was about to unfold. I have been committed to diving deep into the nooks and crannies of my pain ever since.
I look forward to it because I know that on the other side there is more breath, space, meaning, love, peace, and joy.
Our role is to be willing to let it be a mess in order for transformation to take place. I am living this right now.
The metamorphosis of this house into our new home is teaching me. When we took ownership of the property we walked about the land and through the house to introduce ourselves, share our intentions, and ask permission before going ahead with the demolition and restoration process. We have been lucky to have energy workers and mediums helping to cleanse and heal her. She is quite vulnerable now, naked, and exposed- ready to evolve.